Gatsby? What Gatsby?

Assigned to me to read the summer before my sophomore year, Gatsby initially went right over my head. While it was my favorite summer reading book to me that year, that's all it was: summer reading. It wasn't until I re-read the novel just now that I realized its sheer brilliance.

Reading it before had been a bore, a necessity. I had to force myself to sit down to read only five pages. The way that I lay down just now for four and a half hours and read it cover to cover means either that I just had preconceived notions of the novel because it was summer reading, or that I'm older now and with more life experiences the material didn't fly right over my head. I have a feeling it's a little bit of both.

And when I say that it flew over my head when I initially read it, I mean it flew. It started with the way I didn't know how I was supposed to envision the West and East Eggs. The descriptions of the city didn't draw me in as they did now. The color imagery was so vivid - and Gatsby reaching for that green light. I didn't have any recollection of why that pair of "eyes" was such a big deal to the novel - probably because I had so much trouble then with the concept of the Eggs and the valley of the ashes. The eyes of T.J. Eckleburg thoroughly creeped me out every time they were mentioned because I knew it was supposed to be sort of God or morality frowning upon the characters who in such a short amount of time I was able to grow to love (for what they were).

I have a tendency to cling to the sweet, naive female characters in stories, and Daisy was no exception. I loved her from her first scene. But as I got past the mid-point of the novel, I stopped loving Daisy so much. After finishing I needed to contemplate that. It's not normal for me to lose faith in a character like I did Daisy. I felt like a disappointed parent. But then I realized: that was the entire point. While at first all we see of Daisy is her sweet, quirky demeanor and the outpouring of love from others to her, later she takes a different, crooked path, leaving Gatsby in his time of need. Gatsby was willing to stand below her window until four in the morning to make sure that her husband didn't hurt her and she wouldn't even acknowledge his death. Daisy herself is a personification of how vapid the wealthy could and still can be. I still love her for what she is - a beautiful little fool. And I only grew to like Jordan (who'd been my favorite character upon my first read-through two years ago) even more.

Moving On

The Unauthorized Autobiography of Samantha Brown is a little-known musical by Kait Kerrigan and Brian Lowdermilk. The show is (of course) about a girl named Samantha Brown and her last year in high school. She's her class valedictorian and her life is extremely average - the show picks up with Sam singing "The oldest story in the book, why give it a second look?" But Sam's story is incredibly poignant for the fact that she is average. I find myself on the verge of tears writing this. Sam's entire story is that she has no idea where she's going. She seems like she should have it all set. She has a perfect family, perfect friends, a perfect boyfriend, and she's top of her class. But she can't decide where to go to college. Her parents both force their own alma maters on Sam, who wants nothing more than to branch out and find out who she is on her own.

My friend gave me the music from the show as a present because I love the actress who plays Sam in it (her name is Meghann Fahy). Somewhat coincidentally, she gave it to me towards the beginning of my senior year. I remember blaring one of the songs in my car on the way to Perkins for breakfast on Spirit Day this year at six in the morning. Spoiler alert - Sam's best friend Kelly dies in a car accident. She's dead throughout the entire show as Sam replays her senior year in her mind before she leaves for college. One of my close friends also got in a major car accident just a few days before my friend gave me this show. She was nearly paralyzed and could have died had the accident been any worse. I remember one night listening to Kelly and Sam's final duet where Sam finally comes to terms with Kelly's death. And I just cried and cried. My high school experience has been completely average. Even more average than Sam's. I'm not class valedictorian. I've made no major impact on anything. Sam IS a crappy driver, so I can relate there. Just a plain, dumb, ordinary senior year. And yet, as much as I can say I hated this year, I know that this year I've become all-around a more optimistic person. So there's at least that.

I wouldn't say that Sam Brown has been the soundtrack to my senior year. I listened to it a lot in the beginning, even more after my friend's accident. But then I stopped. Right now I'm listening to it for the first time since probably January. And when I first got the show I recognized what a happy coincidence it was that Sam was going through the exact same things as me as I was living them. But I stopped, and I honestly couldn't tell you why. It's maybe better this way. Rediscovering it a week before the end of my senior year is just kind of sad, but at the same time it's really fitting, especially for the fact that she entire show is Sam looking back. I'm looking back writing this post. And I'll do it again before I go to school next year.

The musical is as of yet unfinished, and it's extremely difficult to find good versions of it online (the videos on Youtube of the production with Meghann Fahy don't do it justice and only have like two of the songs). It's really beautiful and I recommend it if you ever get the chance to see it. Plus, there's an official demo recording out there somewhere.

"These ordinary years make us who we will become... Seniors, let's reach for the sky. Say goodbye to high school, and face the world. Though we don't know what we'll see there, we know that we'll be there together. It's time to kick some ass- for all you lower classmen, sucks for you! Peace out to all of you. The party's gone, we're moving on."

ALLIE BROSH IS BACK

And I'm really glad she is. I was starting to get concerned. Actually, I was already concerned. For a while. I just tried not to think about it. And it's really perfect timing for her to be back. I just finished my other blog and had no idea what I was going to write about for my next one - I go to Twitter and someone had retweeted a link to her newest post. It was fate.

It was last summer that I came across her blog Hyperbole and a Half. By the time I found it, it had already been ditched for over a year. I found her blog through her cute, Microsoft paint-like drawings being used as memes on Tumblr. I wanted to know why her person had a yellow shark fin on their head (I found it's supposed to be her ponytail). And upon finding and visiting her blog, I was taken by her clever drawings and stories. Her last post however, before she left her blog, was about her crippling depression. Which was a cause of alarm for many, I'm sure. I, of course, went on to think the worst: sure, it was possible she just didn't have the energy to run the blog anymore (the posts are really intricate with all of the drawings). There are plenty of reasons she could've left. I just like to worry, I guess.

Her last newest post (right before the depression one) was about how she was getting a BOOK. PUBLISHED. A flesh and blood, paper and binding book of her drawings and hilarity that I'd pored through and fallen in love with upon discovering her blog. I was so excited. I went to Barnes and Noble.com immediately then to see if I could buy it yet - and there was nothing. Her work seemed like something that might be at Urban Outfitters too, so I went to that website. Nothing. And disappointment. I started to think she might not write the book since she wasn't updating the blog anymore. I checked the blog for updates for quite some time, and it was always the same.

Now I realize that maybe she left the blog for a while because she was busy writing the book (which was supposed to be released Fall 2012). Maybe she left because she really was too depressed (which seems to be the case). Either way, she left because she needed to. And what matters now is that SHE'S BACK! Also that HER BOOK IS ON PRE-ORDER! And I'm totally getting it. And I guess the point of this post is that you should totally check out her blog and maybe get it too.

"A Blessing" by James Wright

I really loved this poem when we read it in class. I was actually thrilled (no exaggeration) when it came up again today. Not only because I knew that knowing the poem from beforehand would be a big help, but I'd also forgotten all about it. As much as I hated analyzing poetry, I really loved this poem in particular. Not only does it have wonderful imagery, but it's happy. It's a poem about sweet horses and happy people and just gives off a nice vibe altogether. It's fitting for it to be called "A Blessing". All the rest aside, I think I was drawn to the poem because even though it explicitly says in the first line that is takes place in Minnesota, the first time I read it I somehow missed that and just imagined running cross country when I was younger. Even though I hated running, there was so much team spirit and I loved all of my friends on the team. Nostalgia might also be a big factor, but going to practice and seeing all of the horses around the fields was kind of nice. Reading the poem again today made me want to go back to Carousel and just take a long walk and look at all of the horses.

Cosette doesn't deserve your petty hate

So many people I know are quick to tear down Cosette as a character in Les Misérables. They say she has no personality. They say she serves absolutely no purpose besides to be loved by Jean Valjean and/or Marius. I've heard some argue that she shouldn't exist so that Eponine can end up with Marius (which is so wrong on so many levels, and I'll get into that later). Perhaps the DUMBEST argument I've heard is that Cosette was created because the stage musical needed a soprano role.

Cosette, while not the main character, is arguably the most important in the story. She is Fantine's reason to live after her boyfriend Felix leaves them both behind to fend for themselves. Fantine works herself to death trying to provide for Cosette after she loses her job. After Fantine passes, Cosette becomes Jean Valjean's reason for living. He rescues her from the greedy innkeepers, the Thenardiers, and Valjean instantly falls in love with the little girl. Formerly a jailbird, Valjean is even more ashamed of his past after he finds Cosette and takes her into his care. He assumes another name while he cares for the child, and she grows into a healthy young adult, overcoming her abusive and harsh childhood at the hands of the Thenardiers. Cosette is the reason that Fantine lived, and the reason Jean Valjean continued to live after he was found to be the former convict on the run.

Cosette isn't just a flower like most like to say in arguments about her. Sure, she's bourgeois. She can be dainty and pretty. But that isn't all that's to her (like her haters like to say there is). Cosette is literally described in the novel as "more of a lark than a dove", and having Bohemian qualities to her through her heritage. Cosette meets boys in bare feet and a nightgown. She doesn't care much about social structure and what she's SUPPOSED to do. She does what she wants and what feels right.

Many, many young girls I've seen who are fans of the musical and branch out to the book hate Cosette because they feel that if Cosette didn't exist, Marius would end up with Eponine and have a happy ending. Really now. It's clear that for these girls, it likely doesn't go much deeper than the teen-angst-boy-I-like-doesn't-like-me scenario and their vision is clouded by empathetic feelings for Eponine, who in the stage show sings a somewhat popular song about unrequited love. Perhaps you've heard it. I've got news for these girls. If Cosette didn't exist, Marius still would not end up with Eponine. Though Cosette didn't necessarily follow or care about social norms, the rest of the world still did. Marius was wealthy. The most he ever rebelled against his family was by joining his friends in the June Rebellion. Marius would not have married Eponine, who was dirt poor and a beggar. It just wouldn't have happened. That doesn't even take into consideration the matter that Marius and Eponine barely knew each other- Marius is simply the one person to show Eponine kindness. Without Cosette, Eponine and Marius likely both would have died in the rebellion. Literally there would have been no surviving characters besides Eponine's evil parents, the Thenardiers.

Cosette is a symbol of France. She is abused and neglected from a very early age by the Thenardiers. She knows nothing hurt, pain, and hard work. When Jean Valjean first comes to find Cosette, he asks her where her mother is. Cosette's reply is that she doesn't think she has a mother, or any parents at all (which would've broken poor Fantine's heart). All Cosette knows is suffering, never kindness, never love. When Jean Valjean kisses her hand after taking her away from the inn, Cosette flinches. She doesn't know what a kiss means and thinks that Valjean is about to hurt her. But as she ages, Cosette flourishes. She grows up to be normal and elegant. She is happy, she is free. Cosette is France in that France also suffered under the regimes of the monarchies and rebellions. France was a mess, as was little Cosette. But each bloomed in their own way towards a better life and a better way of being. To say Cosette is an unimportant character to the story is showing a clear lack of understanding to what Les Misérables is about.

Poems made from drawing over portions of newspaper articles. This style is known as Blackout Poetry.

"The World is Too Much With Us"

One of Wordsworth's darker poems, "The World is Too Much With Us" was written around 1806. Even though it was written more than two centuries ago, the meaning of the poem rings true today, even maybe eerily more so. In the poem, Wordsworth condemns the materialistic world. He is disgusted by the waste and destruction of the beautiful nature around the people that was occurring daily. In society today people try more and more to call attention to the deteriorating earth exactly as Wordsworth did in this poem.

It's hard to imagine that back in Wordsworth's time, the 1800s, the people still had a problem with destroying nature and being wasteful. Materialism was another of Wordsworth's gripes with mankind back in the day. Unfortunately, I would leap to say that it's most likely gotten worse as of now. Global warming, whether you believe in it or not, has become sort of undeniable at this point. Waste and greed is a big problem  worldwide. It's just amazing to me that Wordsworth knew what he was talking about so eloquently over two hundred years ago. It's just unfortunate that not more people have heeded his message and taken the initiative to lessen their impact on the earth. Without some kind of action taken soon (or perhaps rather action NOT taken), there will be no nature left to admire as Wordsworth once did himself.

“It is a Beauteous Evening, Calm and Free”

Another of William Wordsworth's well-known poems is “It is a Beauteous Evening, Calm and Free”. Admittedly, I only ended up reading it because I felt that my paper would need another poem to be talked about. But I'm glad I ended up reading it. Not only did it help wrap my paper together beautifully, I think it's one of my new favorites by Wordsworth. The poem is believed to be about his young daughter Caroline after he meets her for the first time after ten years. It is a fourteen line sonnet with an ABBAACCA rhyme scheme. 

The most striking thing about the poem is the technique with which it is written. The first six lines are written smoothly, with soft words sprinkled throughout. It is rather pleasant and easy to read. After the sixth line, however, the words Wordsworth uses become much harsher. The poem itself becomes choppier almost instantly by the usage of exclamations and sentences ending more quickly. The unexpected turn of the poem is not unlike an abrupt churning up of a storm at sea. 
 

"I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud"

"I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud" is the first poem I ever read by William Wordsworth. I loved him immediately. I went on to write every essay I could about him and this poem. I was so taken by his use of nature imagery and the sweet title of the poem. Even just the main basis of the poem- you don't have to be lonely if you're alone- drew me towards Wordsworth.

"I Wandered..." is a lyric poem consisting of four stanzas in iambic tetrameter. Wordsworth wrote the poem for his beloved sister, whom he first discovered the daffodils that inspired the poem with. The poem contains much alliteration. It also personifies clouds by comparing them to a lonely human, as well as personifying daffodils by saying they are dancing.

It's undeniable that the most striking thing about Wordsworth's poem is the nature imagery. Not a stanza goes without it. Barely a line in the poem does not allude to nature in one way or another. Although the poem's title itself could sound rather like the poem was melancholy or sad, the words Wordsworth uses within makes it the complete opposite. The word "dance" is used throughout, brightening the poem. Other words generally associated with happiness- "glee", "bliss", "gay", and "jocund" are a few examples pulled from the final two stanzas.

its a shame

its a shame that in 6 or so billion years, any and all existence on earth will be wiped out by the sun’s expansion, and it’s almost scary to think about how even now the sun continues to grow bigger and hotter, sexy and hotter let’s shut it down. pound the alarm

"There's a grief that can't be spoken": Beginning Les Misérables

For months I've been searching for a hard copy of Victor Hugo's grand work Les Misérables to buy and own- granted, I've only gone to secondhand bookstores this far, and I didn't think to ask for Christmas. Either way, I've been trying to find it since last spring. I found out from a friend it was free on Kindle, but it wasn't until I found out I could use my mom's Kindle account on my phone that I actually (finally) got my eyes on a copy of the 959-page-long novel. Already being a huge fan of the musical based on the novel, I was ready to rise up to the occasion for my love of the story and the characters and complete what will be the longest novel I've ever dared to read. 

Thus far, I'm fifty pages into my experience. It is split into five books, and begins with Book I: Fantine. Fifty pages into Book I, I haven't met Fantine yet. I haven't even met main character Jean Valjean yet. So far, the only character I know is the Bishop, who by knowing the musical I know sets Jean Valjean onto his path to salvation. And though I usually get discouraged by things like this (fifty pages so far on a character who has little to do with the story comparatively), I find myself enthusiastically reading rather than skimming by long-looking paragraphs or needing to go back and re-read sections because my mind wanders. I'm excited to finally reach Jean Valjean's and Fantine's story and truly begin the novel, but I'm not learning about the Bishop grudgingly, either. Maybe it's because I'm reading it on my own accord, or maybe it's because I already have a love and knowing of the story and characters, but I'm excited to read "the brick", as it is called, and know what I've been missing out on. 

I still hope to be able to find an unabridged hard copy of the novel somewhere, which is closer to 1,500 pages long than 959, but until then I'll do with having the lighter and more portable phone version. 

A Look Back on "The Fault In Our Stars"

It was surprising to me how important Hazel's favorite book within the novel, An Imperial Affliction, became to the plot of the story. Hazel states that she wants to lessen the impact of her death, so she only really associates with her parents, and she says that books are her best friends. She names that one book in particular as her favorite. The girl in Hazel's book, Anna, has cancer and is assumed to have died at the end of the novel. Hazel is really stricken by the ending- it ends mid-sentence, a very real ending, as Hazel notes. Either Anna died, or got too sick to go on writing.  She wishes to God that she could ask the author what became of Anna's family members, but she has no idea how to contact him. While I liked the star-crossed lovers story line enough, this was the most heartbreaking part of the storyline to me (apart from learning about Hazel's sickness itself)- Hazel's wish to know what will become of her own family after her death. Hazel's question is always, "What happens to Anna's mother after she dies?" When she meets Peter van Houten, the author of An Imperial Affliction, and he will not answer her questions, Hazel becomes desperate. She shouts and cries at Peter, frantic to know what happens to Anna's mom after her death. It was so heartbreaking because clearly Hazel is really asking van Houten what happens to her mother after she dies. Hazel often mentions how much her mother worries for her, and she spends all of her time simply caring for Hazel. Hazel feels the desperate need to know what will become of her mother after she dies and leaves her behind. She wants assurance that her mother will be okay without her. To me, this was the most tragic and compelling part of the story, and I wish it had been touched upon more.